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Posted: Feb 16 2017, 10:20 PM
Member No.: 77
Joined: 24-June 16
It's been weeks. Weeks without a word. Not from the kids, they've been mostly nattering on about nothing since I've finished them. Looking back at that last line, I might be insane. That's worrisome. I need to get my mind together. Did other artists have this problem? I think they did, they were all a little weird but that was well publicized weirdness. I don't think anybody knows what's going on with me. Maybe I should just burn the whole book in the furnace. Tomorrow, or whenever I feel sorted.
The council still hasn't replied and it's been weeks. I want to know if I qualify for a license. I know I have the skill, I know I have the drive, and I know I deserve it. I want to be a master. I can see the seal already. All you have to do is look into the reflection of the kids. I thought I had it earlier but it was just some congratulations from the shogun or some nonsense. Probably written and signed by an underling and passed off to all of us that survived. Not like I deserved anything, just another body in the fire, trampled another idiot down and traded one life for mine.
I don't think fighting is in my future. I'm not a killer, which is funny. Need seems to think so. Her laugh is like a titttering bird. So I've killed two men, and one on purpose. I was angry, he made me angry, both of them did. They just messed things up. Why couldn't they see reason?
Desire thinks it's the drugs, that might be true. One thing you can say for our side is that we don't rely on drugs to send people to die in the stead of the noble family. Though I guess loyalty and patriotism is a drug in some ways. Still, fire was a bad idea, it's like the rebels aren't fighting to win, just to sow chaos. I don't know. I don't care, either. No matter what she thinks, I don't plan to draw Desire in battle again. Better to smith and forge and be the hero behind the hero's blade
I don't know why it's taking so long for them to get back to me. The earthquake feels like a lifetime ago. Before the kids, well, before Want and Desire at least, don't have to remind me. Damn, always on about something. Wish the girls would be more like their brother, he just shines brightly and above it all.
Speaking of girls, I've had a hell of a time with them lately. I'll have to work that one out on my own at some point. Pretty girls are great to be around but I can't imagine they have any use for me apart from my skills in the forge. Gotta be careful. It spells trouble for me and mine. Can't let the kids get out in the world without me.